Help For Marriage Problems

The most feared words a husband or wife can hear from their partner are “I love you, but I’m not in love with you.” Far too often, couples reach this point in their relationship before they start to worry about how to help their marriage.  The purpose of this article is to give you some help for marriage problems.

Also, these words can seemingly come from out of the blue or there may be problem areas in the marriage that simply aren’t being dealt with. Ignoring problems is never a solution.  Whether there has been cheating or some other situation of violated trust, or there has been abuse, even boredom, or any number of other issues, couples must aggressively work together to preserve their marriage to transform it into the healthy, happy relationship that they always wanted it to be.

Step 1 – Help For Marital Problems To Go Away

All marriages have their highs and lows.  That is just a normal component of the flux in relationships.  However, if you go through an continued period of lows, you need to recognize that as a signal that something is wrong. But until you figure out what that issue is, you will not be able to resolve it.  The good news is that in some instances, targeting the issue that is making you argue or that is hurting one of you is rather simple.

Click here to find out why couples without realistic expectations have more problems – and how you can craft your future discussions around this simple fact.

You may be arguing over financial issues or you could be mad that your partner doesn’t show physical interest in you anymore. For some, the basis for the issues may be less obvious. Get counseling to figure out what the problems are.  It is always good to have in independent third party chime in on the issues.  But, you cannot figure out a solution without first knowing the problem.

Step 2 – Help For Marital Problems To Go Away

After pinpointing the issue or issues, make them go away by taking a practical approach. Sit down, talk rationally and honestly and create a plan for making things better for both parties, with a focus on taking each others needs into account. Understand that your partner is different from you, and has different needs than you, is important.  You must communicate your needs and ask that they be met.  Just as much as you need to know your partners needs, and be willing to meet them.

This is more difficult than it may seem on the surface. Even seemingly minor problems can become very complex to resolve once you start analyzing them.  Often that’s because your spouse considers it to be a deal breaker.  Also by the time feelings are at the point where you are at risk of losing your relationship, they have reached an extreme.

You need to do more than change your mental attitude to resolve your marital problems. And the problems are usually different for men and for women.  For example, if your wife initiated the “I love you, but I’m not in love with you” speech and she also has avoided any form of intimacy with you for several months, you may be bewildered about what seemed to have been a sudden change in her feelings. When she tells you that your newly acquired 50-pound beer gut completely turns her off, are you willing to commit to get in shape to help your marital problems go away?

Try to think of it from her perspective.  What if she let herself go.  How would that make you feel?  She also may have been thinking about this for some time, as you gained your weight.  To some people, their needs may be a physically fit partner, a sexually attractive partner.  And if you let yourself go, you are not meeting one of your spouses needs.  And even if it is not important to you, if it is important to your spouse, and you want to meet your spouses needs, you need to start exercising.  It doesn’t mean you need to lose the weight all at once.  Your spouse should recognize that you’re trying, and that should make a difference.  It can even bring you closer together.  Try some joint physical activities.

The issue can also be the reversed in that she feels rebuffed by you since you haven’t expressed physical attraction towards her in several months. What if she has put on a lot of weight?  Or stopped taking care of herself and you don’t see her in the same way?  You need to communicate your needs as well. Just don’t be accusatory or point a finger of blame. With these types of issues, use the word “I” instead of the word “you”.

Step 3 – Help For Marital Problems To Go Away

It takes time to help your marital problems go away, even the simple ones. If you choose counseling or just to work on the problems yourself, it takes time 1) to find solutions for your problems and 2) to heal from the existing damage that they may have already caused.

Keep in mind that you are working to improve your marriage and not your partner. It is the relationship that needs mending.   And you will both have to work at it and at finding what you admire most in each other in order to fall in love again.

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